he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
