i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
