Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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