you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
