I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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