im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
