I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
