I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
