Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
