i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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