I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
