i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
