Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
