Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
