i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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