Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
