You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
