oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
