maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
