Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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