Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
