please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
