You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
