Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
