you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
