I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
