If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
