I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize