just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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