I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
