Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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