Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
