You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
