is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
