my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
