I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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