I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize