nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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