he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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