Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
