dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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