Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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