a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
