P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
