The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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