the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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