I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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