her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
