I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why is your signature on my underwear?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
