I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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