recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sorry about my life...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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