Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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