I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
