with your own penis?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
