My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
