i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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