Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
