why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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