this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
