She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
