if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
