And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
