I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize