can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
